Here I am, 3 weeks from the end of the first term (the signal that 25% of my academic year is over) and I am at a lost for words. I have been teaching for 6 full weeks and in only two short months I have gone from a vibrant, whimsical 22 year old to an intense, focused and driven teacher. As I told one of my friends recently, I have to remind myself every day that I am only 22, because there are days when it feels like I am in my late 20s or early 30s. Teaching has a way of aging you quite quickly. When I get up in the morning and look at the drawn, tired face that stares back at me in the mirror, I often ask myself where this withered and quickly wrinkling skin came from. Maybe it's from the long days of work that never seems to cease, or from the annoyance that builds up inside after being pelted with wads of paper, empty soda cans, pieces of pencils, pennies or those long sticks of glue that you use inside hot glue guns. Where my students get all of this ammunition I am still uncertain but everyday, without fail, something gets propelled toward the front of the classroom (often in my direction). As inexperienced as I actually am at this profession, I feel like every day (whether they are memorable or not) has deepened my depth of knowledge and skill at handling just about any situation that could arrive in the classroom setting.
Everyday there are moments of humor and moments of grief; moments of challenge and moments of triumph, moments of success and moments of failure. But as each day goes forward, I have quickly realized that they are just that - moments. A brief second in time where the events from that day penetrate through the tough teacher facade that I have tried to establish and remind me of the reason why I teach for America. Whether its having a student brush by me as I say good morning to her and she mutters, "Good morning my favorite teacher." Or its that moment as you are grading your student's first exam that you realize over half of them don't understand some of the basic ideas you taught and failed your test. It's that moment when one your macho football player students comes to you after school, with glossed over eyes and a meek sensibility, to admit that he didn't understand something and he has finally built up the courage to ask for help or that moment when you realize you have lost complete control of your class and need to spend the next 10 minutes giving an impassioned speech about education to try and garner back just a percentage of their focus. Teaching is a patchwork of these moments, some momentous and some embarrassing, some frustrating but some enlightening. I am certain that the moments that I have experienced thus far have molded me into the teacher that I am today and the moments that I have yet to experience will sharpen, refine and chisel me into the teacher of tomorrow.
As most people know, TFA, as a national organization, is dedicated to bridging the educational gap between people in the upper echelon of society and the impoverished areas of our country. One of the additional challenges that exists here in Mississippi is the experience gap. It may surprise you but very few of my nearly 200 students have ever traveled outside of their home county, let alone the Delta or the State of Mississippi. These students do not necessarily understand how vast and varied our country is, let alone the world. From what I gather, their daily existence in a medium size town in rural Mississippi is monolithic and uni-dimensional. They spend their days in school and their nights walking the streets - day in and day out. When I prompt them to tell me about their plans for the weekend, they simply reply "sleep". The gap of experiences that exists between the students that I teach every day and the students who I know that are growing up in the North East is truly astronomical. Even though it is basically impossible for me to quantify exactly how large the experience gap is between an average Mississippi high school student and one living in another part of the country (or even qualitatively compare the two experience - I am sure there is not a single high school student in the North East has ever picked cotton, attended a cat fish fry or eaten Kool-aide Pickles), it does make me think that my students are in a system that is setting them up for failure on multiple levels. Not only educationally but experientially as well.
I was reflecting this weekend that I am surprised, with how large and vast Teach for America has become, that their isn't more synergetic relationships between different regional corps. I almost feel like this would aleviate at least a small percentage of the experiential gap that exists for some of my students. I don't know if it is going to work or not (esp. in a math classroom) but I am going to try my best to connect my students with studnets in other corps member's classroom across the country so that they can get a sense of what life is actually like outside of the Delta.
Until next time - peace.
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